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Musings by Ellaeenah Jadefire

Empowerment Enlightenment Enrichment

Date

August 31, 2016

The Walls We Build

For over three decades of my life, I believed that shutting others out was the best way to save myself from hurt and pain. But, sadly, this was not true at all. The higher my walls grew, the lonelier I felt; the lonelier I felt, higher still went my walls. I believed that I was keeping the hurtful people out. What I did not see then was that I was not shutting others out, I was shutting myself in.

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Our society is a strange one. It looks upon vulnerability as weakness, emotional expression is considered embarrassing, and display of love is often frowned upon. On the other hand, stoic behaviour, tight-lipped suppression of feeling, and cold, clinical logic is lauded as strength. Is  it any wonder, then, that emotional walls are silently passed on from parent to child, resulting in loneliness, unfulfilling relationships, and distinct lack of hope?

Have you met someone whose walls are so high that emotions cannot go beyond those high barricades? Are you one of them? Yes, I was.

For over three decades of my life, I believed that shutting others out was the best way to save myself from hurt and pain. But, sadly, this was not true at all. The higher my walls grew, the lonelier I felt; the lonelier I felt, higher still went my walls. I believed that I was keeping the hurtful people out. What I did not see then was that I was not shutting others out, I was shutting myself in.

And that is exactly what walls do. They create a self-inflicted prison in which there is no love. The walls push out those who reach out to us in love.The walls push and push and push, till one day the attempt to reach out to us is abandoned, leaving us feeling forlorn and bereft, but in a strange way victorious that our belief that ‘love does not last’ is indeed true. This lack of love finds its roots in a complete absence of self-love, which often deepens into a loathing for self. The prison is complete. Continue reading “The Walls We Build”

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Friends That Part

Let us recognise the roles they have played in our lives, and for a moment let us think of them with the love we once shared.

O.Henry said, ‘No friend is an accident.’

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When I look back upon my life, I see the deep truth of this statement. There have been friends who have been with me since early childhood, and whose love still strengthens me when I need it the most. There are friends who have been with me for just a few years, and I cannot imagine what life was without them. There are friends whose loyalty and integrity have taught me invaluable life lessons. There are friends who have smiled at me when behind my back they stabbed. There are friends who have raised me up, and helped me fly. There are friends who have tried hard to drag me down. There have been friends who have taken, and friends who have given. There have been friends who chose to leave, and friends I chose not to stay with. 

I am sure that you can recall friends who match the friends I have described above. And just as I feel, I’m sure that both good and bad feelings come up when you recall them. The good feelings we tend with care, but for the bad feelings there is a tendency to blame the other. It is these feelings that I choose to address today. Continue reading “Friends That Part”

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