Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible – Virginia Satir
Before you continue reading this blog please read the above quote again, and ask yourself, if you do all of the above, for yourself. Do you appreciate the wonderful conundrum of paradoxes that you are? Do you tolerate the many slip-up’s you make, knowingly or unknowingly? Is your communication with yourself completely open, and without blame? Are the rules that you live by, flexible and welcoming of spontaneity? If you have answered, ‘yes’, would you please be very aware of your reactions this week, and then answer these questions again seven days later? If you answer ‘yes’ again, then go out and celebrate, for you have truly learnt how to nurture yourself at all times.
But, if even one of these questions has ‘no’ as its answer, or a very hesitant ‘maybe’, then let us, together, understand why.
One of the most common reasons for misunderstanding and intra-personal conflict is the propensity to ‘personalise’ everything. A friend is too busy to meet you on your birthday or forgets to call, and it becomes a personal slight or wound. Your child does not appreciate what you have painstakingly prepared, and it’s cause for inner tears and self-pitying sighs. A general topic of conversation or discussion is instantly taken to mean a personal attack. These are just some examples, but the reaction to all of these ranges from anger to condemnation to excessive justification to tears.
You and I have both been there and done this, from time to time. But have you ever questioned why? Each time you perceive another’s words and actions as a personal attack when they are not, it is because you know in your heart that it is true for you and you do not wish to acknowledge it. You fear the ‘ugly truth’. If the truth of what you have perceived as ‘personal’ does not lie in your heart, you will not react at all. And why do you fear this truth so much? Because you have not nurtured your self enough to be completely comfortable with all your so-called imperfections.
This lack of self-nurturing also leads us to wish to appear ‘better’ than we internally think we are. We then start upon an internal race to be ‘wiser’, ‘humbler’, ‘gentler’, ‘more understanding’, ‘more virtuous’, ‘more efficient’, more of whatever it is that we seek to achieve, only to find it to be an ‘impossible dream’ that further entrenches us in low self-worth. To escape from this we attempt to do all that we can to make others believe in this ‘impossible dream’. The result? Games! Sometimes obvious ones, but often too subtle for even you to be conscious of.
The easiest way to shift your focus, and move towards self-nurturing, is to consider your imperfection as I’M-PERFECTION. Permit others to be aware of your ignorance, of the darkness of your persona, of your failures, of the truths that lie behind your facade. Personal experience has taught me that such openness draws to its self, genuine love and respect; appearances, even very, very good ones, are only capable of bringing towards you the false façades of another. Remember, dear friend, that when you appear too good to be true, others know that you are false!
It is now time for self-empowerment. And the first step towards this is self-nurturing. For when will you experience your power, if each moment is spent in desperately proving to others that you are ‘good’, ‘wise’, ‘beautiful’, ‘spiritual’? How will you experience your power if the only tools you possess are games, glamour, and guilt? What super-conscious realties will you be open to when you are busy reinforcing your sub-conscious pretences?
Allow yourself to err, for in that lies your greatest opportunity for self-enhancement. Tolerate your failures, even when they are infuriating, for they open doors to self-learning. Always communicate with your self honestly and with due honour, for you are Spirit experiencing the delight of duality. Be open to change, for in standing still you go nowhere. Let go of the external appearances for they hide your ‘ugliness’ for a short time, but your beauty forever. Bravely claim your truth, for even as your truth may be condemned, your power will inspire.
A self-empowered person hears words without giving them a personal twist, observes events free of personal filters, evaluates opinions and truths of others without personal emotion and reaction, and can gamely dust the seat of his pants and move on after every fall.
Each morning embrace your self, look deeply into your beautiful eyes, and whisper tenderly “I Love You…even more each day.” Honour your self for the many right and worthy things you say and do. Make yourself aware of the things you say and do which you consider unworthy of you, and then without any self-disparagement take decisive action towards overcoming them. Treat yourself as kindly as you do your dearest friend. Each night embrace your self, look deeply into your beautiful eyes, and whisper tenderly, “I Love You…. because you are YOU”.
When you nurture your self, you know that that you are never alone, for there is always that One who loves you — I.