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Musings by Ellaeenah Jadefire

Empowerment Enlightenment Enrichment

Month

August 2016

The Walls We Build

For over three decades of my life, I believed that shutting others out was the best way to save myself from hurt and pain. But, sadly, this was not true at all. The higher my walls grew, the lonelier I felt; the lonelier I felt, higher still went my walls. I believed that I was keeping the hurtful people out. What I did not see then was that I was not shutting others out, I was shutting myself in.

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Our society is a strange one. It looks upon vulnerability as weakness, emotional expression is considered embarrassing, and display of love is often frowned upon. On the other hand, stoic behaviour, tight-lipped suppression of feeling, and cold, clinical logic is lauded as strength. Is  it any wonder, then, that emotional walls are silently passed on from parent to child, resulting in loneliness, unfulfilling relationships, and distinct lack of hope?

Have you met someone whose walls are so high that emotions cannot go beyond those high barricades? Are you one of them? Yes, I was.

For over three decades of my life, I believed that shutting others out was the best way to save myself from hurt and pain. But, sadly, this was not true at all. The higher my walls grew, the lonelier I felt; the lonelier I felt, higher still went my walls. I believed that I was keeping the hurtful people out. What I did not see then was that I was not shutting others out, I was shutting myself in.

And that is exactly what walls do. They create a self-inflicted prison in which there is no love. The walls push out those who reach out to us in love.The walls push and push and push, till one day the attempt to reach out to us is abandoned, leaving us feeling forlorn and bereft, but in a strange way victorious that our belief that ‘love does not last’ is indeed true. This lack of love finds its roots in a complete absence of self-love, which often deepens into a loathing for self. The prison is complete. Continue reading “The Walls We Build”

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Friends That Part

Let us recognise the roles they have played in our lives, and for a moment let us think of them with the love we once shared.

O.Henry said, ‘No friend is an accident.’

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When I look back upon my life, I see the deep truth of this statement. There have been friends who have been with me since early childhood, and whose love still strengthens me when I need it the most. There are friends who have been with me for just a few years, and I cannot imagine what life was without them. There are friends whose loyalty and integrity have taught me invaluable life lessons. There are friends who have smiled at me when behind my back they stabbed. There are friends who have raised me up, and helped me fly. There are friends who have tried hard to drag me down. There have been friends who have taken, and friends who have given. There have been friends who chose to leave, and friends I chose not to stay with. 

I am sure that you can recall friends who match the friends I have described above. And just as I feel, I’m sure that both good and bad feelings come up when you recall them. The good feelings we tend with care, but for the bad feelings there is a tendency to blame the other. It is these feelings that I choose to address today. Continue reading “Friends That Part”

A Mother Silently Speaks To Her Daughter

A sad and troubled mother came to consult me today. This is written as a tribute to her, and to all of us mothers who love our troubled teenagers, no matter what.

 

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It’s so hard to love you

When you constantly push me away

I long to enter

But out is where I must stay

It’s so hard to love you

The way I know you want to be loved

……If only you would open your heart.

 

I know I have erred

And made mistakes you can’t forget

I know I have failed

Even when I really tried my best

You are a teenager and oh! so cruel

I am the adult

But, why, so often, do I feel a fool?

 

Let me hold you

Like I did when you were born

Let me wipe away tears

That lie unshed within your proud heart

Let me take a few steps

To close the distance that sears me

Oh! My baby, let me again be ‘Mommy’

 

In your eyes I see

The anger that once had blazed in mine

You hurt me, yes,

But I know how deeply you hurt inside

I know you love me

That, I am certain, will never die

For we share the beat of one breathing heart

 

Who else can you turn to

When you need to scream in rage?

Who else can you beat up

When the world seems a cold and empty stage?

Whose love can be so strong

To contain the depth of your confused pain

And transform it back to love again?

 

Yes, it hurts to be your mother

And, yes, often have you made me cry

But I would never be anything else, my beloved,

For you are my life, my pride, my joy

And if in these tumultuous years

I can be there for you

As my mother was then for me

I will ever be grateful to God above

For the lessons you have taught to me

 

I have learnt that though painful

Motherhood is hard to best

Its victory lies in surrender

In acceptance it triumphs the rest

As you grow, my daughter,

I grow too……

This legacy of the Joy of Life

One day I will gift to you

 

And when you are a Mother,

My beautiful daughter,

Remember these words with care……

Love your children for who they are

(Yes, even when they shout and stare!)

And one day, when your hair turns grey

They will be your staff along the way.

 

 

 

Your Beliefs And You

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Yes, it is disconcerting to read that everything you judge others capable of, is what you know you are capable of, in a very, very real sense. Of course, this knowing is not at the conscious level… and you will use every resistance technique there is in the book, to deny this statement. Remember, you create that which you believe in!!! And your ‘creation’ serves to strengthen your belief!

You are what you believe; you are what you think. What a powerful statement this is!! And how easy this can make life.

Do you believe that relationships fulfill? Or do you think they betray, sadden, leave you empty and spent?

Do you think humanity is capable of great good? Or do you believe that man is the perpetrator of heinous crimes and sin?

Do you think that abundance and self-esteem are what you make of it? Or do you believe that money buys you respect and pleasure?

When you read these questions, does it not seem as though you relate to all of them…. the positive ones and the not-so-positive ones? And there’s the clinch!

Which of these do you believe in intellectually? And which reach you at the gut level? That is the defining factor. Many, many, intellectually believe in goodness, and fulfillment, and joy….believing at a very deep and real level that evil abounds, that corruption is the order of the day, and that dishonesty pays at all levels; that, in fact, the world owes you one!

Well, if you do not believe that you are one of the many who hold this view, take a good, long look at your life. It reflects, in a manner that nothing else can, your beliefs. Often we do not wish to acknowledge that we hold negative beliefs about ourselves and others, but it is in this ‘burying your head in the sand’ that you lose out on the opportunities for growth. Continue reading “Your Beliefs And You”

You Are What You Think

What you are looking for depends upon your recurrent thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. If your recurrent thought is one of negation of self or another, then the Universe will again and again make you experience negation by not fulfilling any of your desires. If your recurrent belief is of self-honour and faith in self, then the Universe will again and again make you experience your power and your strength.

 

If you could change one thing in your life, what would you change?

Do not continue to read till you have your answer!

Well, now that you do have your answer, let me tell you that there is NOTHING that you can change except your thinking!

And now, another question…..

What do you consistently see and experience all around you?

Pause here and answer very honestly. Yes, if you wish, you can make a list of all that you see/experience very, very regularly.

Now don’t be very upset with what I am going to tell you.

You are only seeing what you are looking for! We only see what we are looking for!

Now go back to both your answers, and honestly assess yourself. It is easy to assess another, but equally difficult to turn that ever-judgmental eye inwards. And, yet, that is the only way to make the changes that will make your life more meaningful, more fulfilling.

Let us again read the two significant sentences.

There is nothing that you can change, except your thinking.

You only see what you are looking for.

There is something common in both these statements…You.

Does it disturb you when it’s revealed that you see corruption because you are looking for it; you see dishonesty because you are looking for it; you experience betrayal because you are looking for it; you face failure because you are looking for it? The Universe always gives you what you seek. The unfortunate thing is that we don’t really know what we seek.

We think we are seeking abundance, but what we are looking out for is a perpetuation of lack. How? Either by not being able to spend joyously, or just the reverse. Buying it because it’s out there, and for a brief moment filling the emptiness within. We think we are seeking love and acceptance, but what we are watchfully looking out for is betrayal and rejection. How?  By complete negation and submission of self, or by distancing yourself from others with the help of distrust and suspicion.

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I could go on….but only you know what you are looking for, and how, and why.

The Universe gives you a little bit of help in this direction. It shows you what you are really looking for. So, you and I get the relationships we are looking for, the applause we are looking for, the kicks we are looking for, the victories we are seeking, the failures we are strongly inviting. And, no, dear friend, of course this is not a conscious ‘looking’ on your part. Continue reading “You Are What You Think”

Are You Really Power-full?

Power does not lie in how effectively you can control others, either overtly or manipulatively. We all have the ability to make another feel good or bad. True power will know how to make you feel better even as you make another feel good. Demanding the fulfillment of your wishes, at the cost of another’s submissiveness or distress, is the course followed by a tyrant.

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Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t….Margaret Thatcher

In the journey from ‘powerlessness’ to ‘powerfullness’, we come across certain traps. These traps make us believe that our journey is complete, the destination has been reached. Though this is far from the truth, its deceptive lustre is often too difficult to resist. Caught in this trap, we begin to believe that our words and actions are assertive and power-filled, when often they are just the reverse. Assertion can exist only when you grow to be what you truly are, not when you are trying to leave behind the burden of what you are not.

Assertion is often confused with aggression, with rebelliousness, with inflexibility, with uncaring willfulness. These are the disguised forms of powerlessness that we willingly believe to be ‘the truth’. Let us make use of an example to understand this simple but evasive truth. An elephant calmly stands his ground, lofty and strong, able to withstand almost any external force. A weaker animal will struggle and fight and dig its heels in, in order to make an attempt to prove its muscle. It is in this that the key lies…the elephant does not sense the need to prove his power.

Let me help you to identify if you are being assertive or only attempting to prove your strength. Do not pay as much attention to your words as to the tonal quality of your voice. Is there defiance or stridency in the way you speak? Is there instant dismissal of another’s needs, truths, beliefs? Is your body feeling closed and tight? Are you breathing fast and shallow? Are there uncontrollable physical tics, jerks, shrugs or other such bodily movements? Well, any or all of these have already given you your answer. Assertion of power makes you feel good, not agitated; results in harmony, not conflict. Continue reading “Are You Really Power-full?”

Throw Your Heart Over the Fence

So what does it mean to ‘throw your heart over the fence’? It means to take a risk and love again! Love your SELF!! Have no expectations of yourself, forgive all your several flaws, stop comparing yourself to others, spend joyously on your self, spend time with YOU, listen to your needs and fulfil them, accept no truths but those that empower you, honour yourself for every achievement, big or small.

“Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.” –Norman Vincent Peale. Read this again. Do you understand it? What is this fence? Is it the limits of your thought systems? The boundaries beyond which you will not permit yourself to feel? The physical restrictions you place upon yourself?

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The truth is that the fence has been made by screwing into place every wooden log of thought with the help of long and sharp, toughened nails of feeling, and then giving it a glossy look by the paint of moralistic judgment and criticism. Sprinkled liberally onto the fence are the adornments of social conditioning. With this fence firmly in place, we feel a false sense of security, of protection. Within this fence, we wonder, ‘am I in, or is the world out?’

At this stage it becomes vital to ask of ourselves: “What am I so scared of that I need the fence?” This answer cannot and will not come easily, but you can get a very good hint if you are aware of your reactions. What you react to the most, what hurts and angers you the most, this is your point of greatest fear.

Once you have identified it, ask yourself the ‘what if…’ questions. What if I were to be completely alone? What if I am abandoned and rejected? What if I had very little money? What if I had no one to call a friend? What if I am scorned? What if… what if…..There are as many questions as there are people on earth. Keep a close note of your answers, and very soon you will see a definite pattern that will give you a surprising, but clear, look at why you need a fence.

Continue reading “Throw Your Heart Over the Fence”

The Wonder of Miracles

Most miracles lack the element of drama and fanfare, and go by unnoticed. The dramatic ones seem too big for us to work towards. As a result, whether small or big, the power of miracles is lost to us. Miracles have the power to lift us out of routine and mediocrity, and touch the strength and will of the spirit within.

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“And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy…” Kahlil Gibran

Miracles lie strewn around us like the delightful shells on a sea shore, but we wait dejectedly at the water’s edge for the oyster to bring in our pearl. This wait becomes interminable, and sooner or later results in despair, cynicism and apathy.

The Taj Mahal is undoubtedly a wonder of the world, but the miracle lies in the fact that in every marble block the artisan saw the full vision of this wonder, and painstakingly and lovingly chiseled it to life. Often the ‘bigness’ of a created form stops us from being aware of the small miracles that came together, silently, to enable the manifestation.

In daily life, we are often as ‘blind’. We pray for miracles, but refuse to open our eyes to the numberless joys that embrace us. Sight, hearing, and mobility are miracles that are daily taken for granted by those blessed with them. Only the blind and the deaf and the immobile know their true worth. Feelings, power of discernment and passion are found to be evident only in acts of magnitude.

The miracle of soundless breath, the joy of music and art, the warmth of a bright summer day, the cool exhilaration of rain, the pristine beauty of a snow clad mountain, the grasp of a tiny hand, are considered as temporal moments, their inexplicable divinity lost in the inevitability of their occurrence.

Most miracles lack the element of drama and fanfare, and go by unnoticed. The dramatic ones seem too big for us to work towards. As a result, whether small or big, the power of miracles is lost to us. Miracles have the power to lift us out of routine and mediocrity, and touch the strength and will of the spirit within. The power of each miracle is unique and different, for no miracle is quite like the other. The magical difference of miracles is seen in the uniqueness of each snowflake, each strand of DNA, each fingerprint, reach raindrop. Let your vision not be jaded by the apparent sameness of each day. Be alert to the unique joys that each miraculous day has to offer.

Miracles are Divine, certainly, but the spirit that sculpts it, is human. You have the power to sculpt the miracles of your own David; you only need courage, faith and determination. The courage to persevere, the faith to recognise that the darkest night brings the brightest dawn, and the determination to strive on when all others have decided to quit the race. We pray to God for a miracle, being completely ignorant to the fact the God has already given us the tools to create them. Your intelligence, desire and passion help you to draw its blueprint, and your strength, will and courage to breathe life into it.

Miracles don’t happen; they are created. They don’t wait for you to be unhappy, or for things to go wrong. They are as naturally a part of our existence as our selves. Due to our lack of awareness of the miracles around us, we tend to ignore our inner power till difficulties knock at our door. In the face of hurdles, we summon our strength to the fullest and thus invite miracles. But miracles do not need difficulties in order to BE. Your awareness of the miracles of joy will summon your divine will and remove the need of trauma and conflict.

(To register for the unmissable 15 part distance program ‘Harnessing Miracles in Daily Living (Using Your Inner Power to Enrich Your Life)’ please email me ellaeenah@jadefirelight.com)

Summoning divine will is easy; it only requires you to KNOW that you are unique, matchless and limitless. When you limit yourself, you limit your children, and pressure them to think small and dream finitely. The greatest gift that you can give a child, is the knowledge of his own uniqueness, so that he takes pride in being who he is, rather than carrying the humiliating burden of imitation. Teach him that it is more important to fill the inner space, than to fit into the cramped boundaries of society. See him smile in the realisation that HE is the miracle.

When the eye sees only the truth of miracles, can it ever recognise the illusion of pain?

The Inner Kingdom Of Love – Part II

(Please read The Inner Kingdom of Love -Part I before reading this blog)

Erroneous belief systems about God have led many to disbelieve in God. To those who believe that God does not exist, I say, look into your eyes and uncover the God seed within. God can never be eliminated, can never be defeated, can never be rejected. The God Force lies buried under the clutter of self-debasing and self-destructive beliefs, the journey towards the Inner Kingdom revealing its brilliance to us.

The God Force has been called by many names, and has been personified in many (hi)stories. Depending upon what we have heard, and read, our belief systems communicated with the Force in fear or love. Often our relationships with our parents, teachers, and primary care givers also played a defining role in this. The more we heard, the less we connected to the Inner Kingdom, and the more lost we became as we searched outside for a force we considered ourselves incapable of comprehending. Rarely were we taught of our true inner divine nature, as more emphasis was placed upon reiterating our negatives, constantly affirming humanness as a state of sin and entrapment by temptation. Soon, the Inner Kingdom did not even remain a shadow for us, and was forgotten under the heavy burden of guilt, shame and despair. Believing that the God Force lay within our reach, nestled gently in our higher hearts and higher minds, was inconceivable, and the thought that the keys to the Inner Kingdom were entirely at our command seemed almost blasphemous. Thus, negative ego wove web upon web of non-truths that we accepted.

Fortunately many of us have awakened from this drugged slumber, and have determinedly stepped onto the ‘yellow brick road’ towards our Oz – the Inner Kingdom. Spiritualists, for long, have called this process ‘evolution’. Conscious evolution requires constancy and resolve. Though some steps may seem steeper than others, consistent onward movement takes us surely to the source of divine freedom, and the font of divine creativity. Though buried deep under the rubble of conflicts, harsh emotions, fragmented dreams, and broken resolves, the core of the Inner Kingdom is ever pure – unaffected, unadulterated, non-diluted by the experiences of the ego.

Often I have been asked why I am certain of the existence of this Inner Kingdom. When I see the God Nature revealing itself in the unquestionable certainty of dawn, the glorious rising of every full moon, the clockwork rhythms of the changing tides, none of which can be replicated by the intellect of man, I can intuit that there must necessarily be the same unseen God Nature within me, and all that is God Self. When I can hear the innocent delight in a child’s laughter, the gentle soothing in a mother’s song, the uncontainable passion in the lover’s whisper, I know that God Speaks, God Lives, God IS.

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