I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path………..Dalai Lama
Dearest Friends, if there is one hurdle in the path of our happiness, and harmony with others, it is expectations. Yes, we are human, and thus will have expectations, however hard we try otherwise. Having acknowledged this, how can we overcome this hurdle? The answer lies in self-awareness. Every expectation arises from an unfulfilled inner need. If you are able to tap into that need, you will instantly be able to understand the expectation. E.g. you may expect promptness in action/response because that makes you feel that you matter, fulfilling your inner need for recognition.
If your reality were free of all expectations, it would simultaneously be free of disappointments and disillusionments. Our expectations cause us grief because through the course of living we have ingrained into our belief system that expectations do not get fulfilled. I remember reading this statement somewhere, “Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” I do not recollect the name of the author, but I am grateful for the insight that is portrayed through this simple sentence that talks volumes of a universal script. This becomes a ‘prophecy’ that fulfills itself again and again, thereby strengthening the belief even more. You can see what a twist this is!! Frustration leads to anger, and anger finds vent in hot words and cold distances.
When you expect something from someone, you tend to objectify that person. Instead of being sensitive to their needs and their capabilities, we consider them as ‘want-satisfying commodities’. This results in a complete lack of empathy, and heightened selfishness. When you are in touch with your inner needs, your perception changes and your outlook is a kinder, more forgiving one. You are better able to appreciate the unfairness involved in burdening another with your lack of inner fulfillment.
Very often, what we cannot do ourselves, we expect others to do for us. The anger that is, consequently, expressed and directed at the person who you consider has ‘failed’ you is a very obvious anger. What is not so obvious is the anger that is directed towards yourself for feeling helpless and needy within.
A common grouse that people carry as large chips on their shoulders is ‘I am a considerate and understanding person. Why can’t others treat me the way I treat them?’ Yes, my dear, good and kind friend, it does seem rather unfair when people do not behave towards you the way you behave towards them. But, don’t you see, that this expectation is your greatest hurdle? You say ‘I don’t expect anything from any one; I just ask them to treat me the way I treat them’. Is that not an expectation? Ask yourself very honestly, ‘why am I being considerate, helpful, understanding? Is it because that’s my innate nature that’s manifesting itself, or is it because I feel good by the acceptance and positive attention I receive from others?’ If there is no need attached to your behavior, you will not feel small or slighted or frustrated by the actions of another.
The number of expectations that you harbor is a strong clue about the inner power you have garnered. Self-authority gives you a feeling of being full and complete. The balance that you attain is able to broaden your horizon of vision, and you perceive all as human beings, with their human frailties, instead of external means to internal ends.
Use your frustrations as a valuable yardstick to measure your power with. The inability of another will not bother you as much when your mind-body-spirit trinity is in a state of equilibrium. Self- confidence takes away the dependency on others, and brings with it a tremendously empowering ‘feel good’ factor of self-reliance. If you know that you have all that it takes to make you happy, you will not bend another’s back with your load.
Freeing another from your expectations is the single most merciful act that you can perform. It liberates another while empowering you. For just one week be conscious of the number of times you react with irritation, bitterness, anger. How many of these are caused due to frustrated expectations? This will be quite an eye-opener for you.
The reins of happiness are best held in your own hands. In the hands of others they tend to either slacken or be held in a vice-like grip.
It is time to reinstate your crown. Be the Monarch of your Inner Dominion!